bpd not wanting to be touched

This anxiety can lead to physical symptoms like nausea, vomiting or panic attacks. BPD is a type of personality disorder. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. Healthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. Below are some potential causes of this type of personality disorder. Hugs meant a permanent goodbye. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a complex condition. Sleuwagen E, et al. I say stuff thats harmful and so cruel without even realizing it. Akeem Marsh, MD, is a board-certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist who has dedicated his career to working with medically underserved communities. Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, a list of symptoms in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), causes are similar to the causes of typical BPD, multiple effective treatments that can help with the symptoms of quiet BPD, supportive strategies to help the person with quiet BPD. We want to hear your story. You will also learn about the wise mind and how it can help you to calm yourself. I remember it so well. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources. The gold-standard treatment for BPD is dialectical behavior therapy, a type of therapy designed to help folks who struggle with emotional regulation. Seeing myself afterwards is the most embarrassing thing ever, like I have made a total fool of myself, looking into my surroundings faces being judged for some kind of incapability. Benjamin B. Overthinking every little detail and then getting very upset when it doesnt play out how I planned. This clearly indicates that physical contact is beneficial even for those who tend to pull back when significant others try to touch. If they talk to someone else I assume they want to be their friend, not mine. To be loved. Worrying about people abandoning you, and going to extreme lengths in order to avoid this happening. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Do treatment outcomes differ after 3 months DBT inpatient treatment based on borderline personality disorder subtypes? Sometimes Ill make a decision and later on realize how irrational I was being and end up in a situation and have no idea how I ended up [there]. Know your own limits and boundaries, but do your best to be reliable in a crisis. I overreact in response to it, and it just makes things worse for everyone involved. Last reviewed by a Cleveland Clinic medical professional on 10/22/2021. And most of all, the loneliness. Other phobias or mental health conditions. For some people, the fear is specific to being touched by people of one gender. I get so upset thinking I didnt think through it enough. Abi T. My sudden explosive anger over very minute things. I feel like Im being abandoned. Panic attacks are sudden, intense rushes of distress that cause physical symptoms. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) was developed specifically for the treatment of borderline personality disorder. You can find even more stories on our Home page. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, youre not alone. When these symptoms are directed inwards, not. It feels safer, because we can earn admiration through our achievements. These symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships. Saying inappropriate things when nervous. (2017). What can you do to help support that person? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Untreated haphephobia can increase your risk of: You may also want to ask your healthcare provider: Many people with autism dont like to be touched. (2022). That was another rule. Im having a good day today, but Im afraid of falling back into the pit of despair and ruining and toxifying my relationships. Emil P. I dont realize I manipulate people. Emerging evidence links borderline personality disorder with neurodiversity which may help you reframe some key BPD traits as strengths. Personal history of negative experience with being touched. Advance online publication. Schema therapy has been shown to be effective for treating BPD. I struggle to filter my thoughts when Im calm, but its so much worse when Im uncomfortable. I guess thats what happens when you spend most of your adolescence in psychiatric hospitals, not allowed to touch anyone. Attachment style is an important quality for promoting healthy adult relationships. It was fluid. You can only be diagnosed with BPD. Studies have found that BPD may have genetic links, but more evidence is needed to understand the connection. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2008, and the most embarrassing thing I face is not really having a full grasp of who I really am. Holly A. However, you shouldnt rely on medications alone, as they dont necessarily address the underlying causes of your BPD. I joined The Mighty because I believe storytelling is a powerful tool in raising awareness about mental health and trauma. Coming to a Cleveland Clinic location?Hillcrest Cancer Center check-in changesCole Eye entrance closingVisitation and COVID-19 information. Without further ado, heres what our community shared with us: Needing constant attention, reassurance and validation in order to feel worthy and loved. How can I explain it? It can sometimes be difficult to start the process of seeking a diagnosis and treatment for mental health symptoms. Just because my body and brain felt that anger was an appropriate emotion at that time. In relationships or friendships, do you have a tendency to idealize someone but then eventually decide that you dont like them anymore (even if you dont outwardly let them know)? I have BPD and I would say my biggest embarrassing symptom would be promiscuity. Facebook image: Drazen Zigic/Shutterstock, Debrot, A., Stellar, J. E., MacDonald, G., Keltner, D., & Impett, E. A. In addition, a child who was berated for talking too much or being a nuisance, might turn inward instead of outward. Then I tend to ignore the people I was around when it happened. Hannah S. How quickly I can change from the most rational person to completely irrational and not understanding that Im being irrational until the time has passed. You may also be more likely to develop haphephobia if you have: The main symptom of haphephobia is intense distress over being touched. In contrast, infants who learn that their caregivers dont reliably meet their needs will develop one of two different types of insecure attachment styles. THE BASICS What Is Attachment? Without help, though, the symptoms may worsen over time. For some people, haphephobia is the only mental health issue they experience. Asking my boyfriend every single day if he still loves me. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Its completely normal to feel lots of different emotions along the way. Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety." Psychology Today. I am a young person. Then when people want to know why Im crying and try to help me, it makes me cry more. Tanesha G. Overthinking and adding things up to prove a loved one is lying in my head and end up crying all day because I have no idea if my intuition is correct because I cant trust my own thoughts. Jennifer R. Overthinking every little detail and then getting very upset when it doesnt play out how I planned. Most clinicians think of the borderline personality disorder case as being angry and explosive, but these individuals are instead quiet and hurting. Specifically, a CBT therapist will have you keep thought records to examine your thoughts and look for distortions such as black and white thinking or emotional reasoning.. What You Need to Know About Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships, Dual Diagnosis: Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder, Please Dont Misunderstand Me Because I Have Borderline Personality Disorder, How to Treat Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Needing constant reassurance. I think thats why I was so obsessed with high-fives. I constantly one up others, which I know is annoying but really conversation is hard for me and Im just trying to participate so I dont look antisocial or plain rude. Angelique G. Being manipulative but not intending to. Borderline personality disorder (BPD), or emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), can cause you to experience rapid changes in emotion. But we now know that BPD is treatable. And, its likely that this way of relating to others developed during childhood with your earliest relationships. Terms. Here are the "weird" BPD triggers our community shared with us: 1. This illness is also sometimes referred to as high-functioning BPD. Hope is double-edged, false hope can set you on a collision course with despair. When you live with a health condition, oftentimes there are some unwanted or embarrassing symptoms you have to learn to live with. However, this name is a misnomer. I cant always handle them, because they simply take over. How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship, Attachment Styles and Reactions to Grief and Loss, How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Parenting. I look like a crazy person. Carissa W. My impulsivity. See additional information. Make sure you have your own support network, which may include a therapist. Is mentalization-based therapy effective in treating the symptoms of borderline personality disorder? What's it like to live with BPD? This last finding suggests that persons with an avoidant attachment style can benefit from intimate touch just as others do, and at any rate, it certainly doesnt harm them. "I have problems with loud noises, especially sudden loud noises. The years when you start to make sense of the world and develop lifelong behaviors. Other infants develop an avoidant attachment style, whereby they learn to self-soothe. Babies and small children, in particular, need a lot of skinship time with their caregivers, but we all need some skin-to-skin contact with those who are close to us. Find out what kinds of emergency mental health resources are available in your area, such as a local crisis team or inpatient program. What Are Cluster C Personality Disorders? But phobias are fairly common. Once these are determined, then your therapist has a better sense of how you feel, think, and interact with people in your day to day life. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now. Mental health treatment isnt always easy. Treatment such as therapy or medication helps many people manage haphephobia symptoms and live a more comfortable life. No contact in the outside world. We couldnt exchange numbers or even email addresses. This is especially true when you can develop enough self-awareness to know your attachment style, and if you have a partner who is supportive of your personal growth. 1. I absolutely hate it. (2018). There are no specific risk factors for quiet BPD, because it is not an accepted diagnosis. How to Change Your Attachment Style and Your Relationships, Come Here, Go Away: The Dynamics of Fearful Attachment, Why Attachment Theory Is All Sizzle and No Steak, 2 Questions to Help Spot a Potentially Clingy Partner, How to Cope With a Dismissive-Avoidant Partner, Psychology Has a Language Problem, and It Could Hurt Clients, Two Routes to a Healthier Attachment Style. Loud or Repetitive Noises. People with BPD tend to experience intense emotions. I always claw at people and I drive them away by being too emotional. Drake S. 12. This might mean having another mental health disorder, experiencing difficulties in relationships, or falling apart when faced with challenging life circumstances. In fact, one could argue that because of the hidden nature of BPD its almost more painful to deal with because you are often dealing with it entirely alone. There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Ochlophobia (fear of crowds): A person may feel anxious about being touched in a crowd. Narcissists can't grasp the concept of love as a mutual devotion that includes acceptance of flaws. Top. But the other people having to hear my endless complaining. Holly A. If left untreated , a happily ever after is sadly not a very likely outcome. You are not a burden. But remember that you deserve to feel better. The frequency of affectionate touch is associated with both physical and psychological well-being, and those who are deprived of it suffer from depression, anxiety, and a host of other maladies. [When I realized this], my whole idea of myself is shattered. Craving a connection or to feel understood. Thus, Debrot and colleagues suggest that therapists develop techniques for helping those with an avoidant attachment style to overcome their aversion to non-sexual physical contact. Boundaries, unlike psychological defense mechanisms, are conscious and healthy ways to protect ourselves from emotional harm. During MBT, your therapist guides you to think through your emotions and reactions. I am often mistaken for [being] much much younger than I actually am. Nate M. The worst one is probably my inability to take rejection. Paranoia about friends and family not really loving me and thinking they all talk about me behind my back. Emma W. I have to have a favorite person. However, studies show that about half of all people with autism also have an anxiety disorder. Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may be particularly affected: The threat to being socially connected imposed by "social distancing" might intensify the fear of being abandoned and the feeling of being disconnected from others, which are characteristic of BPD ( 5 - 9 ). These may include: BPD sometimes happens alongside other mental health conditions such as: However, having another mental health condition does not necessarily lead to BPD. Ive gotten better though and Im proud of that. Bri S. My impulsivity. Outlook Summary Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that can affect mood, behavior, and self-image. However, the truth is that there are multiple effective treatments that can help with the symptoms of quiet BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder isn't being cute and 'clingy' and 'adorably needy'. I get into a mindset of dangerous sexual promiscuity, then suddenly find myself disgusted by anyone and everyone and never wanting to be touched ever again." Sally B. Haphephobia (haf-uh-FOE-bee-uh) is an intense, overwhelming fear of being touched. I say stuff thats harmful and so cruel without even realizing it. However, some avoidantly attached individuals claimed that they did touch their partner often, and these persons enjoyed levels of well-being similar to others who reported frequent physical contact. The problem is, he explains, that to the narcissist, admiration feels safer. Like I guess its happened so much to me in my life I always expect everyone to leave and honestly they usually do, but I feel like its probably because I assume they are going to. Summer S. Age regression. On long lonely nights, I go back to my childhood, when my mother was still alive. When Im upset, I end up making myself look like a mean, angry, unkind person but thats so far from the truth, although in the moment I believe I am horrible for acting that way. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. (2018). BPD is agonizing not only for the sufferer, but also for everyone romantically involved with the person. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Too emotional, too sad, too this or that. She wouldstrokemy head until I fell asleep. The movie night cuddles and a shoulder to cry on. Vogt KS, et al. It started when I was sent to the psych ward at age 13. Schema therapy combines a variety of different therapeutic approaches and has an emphasis on relationships. Licensed mental health professionals, such as psychiatrists and psychologists, can diagnose BPD based on an interview with you. To be diagnosed with BPD, a person must have: Clinicians also look at more specific symptoms and behavior patterns before making a diagnosis. I just got diagnosed with BPD recently and for the longest time I just thought I had anger issues. The results confirmed the findings of the two previous studies, but in addition, it provided new information about the impact of attachment style on the partner. Even though this disorder is poorly understood and not often identified, that doesnt mean that it is not treatable. I look like a crazy person. Carissa W. Being impulsive with my emotions. Mysophobia (fear of germs): The fear of being touched might arise from not wanting to be contaminated. Physical changes to the brain and alterations in the neurotransmitter serotonin may be associated with BPD. However, we always need to be wary when interpreting the data from self-reports such as these. Cleveland Clinic is a non-profit academic medical center. The behavior is something I never learned. I have BPD and I would say my biggest embarrassing symptom would be promiscuity. Trusted options might include a member of your health care team or your local emergency room. Wanting Sex Constantly "In a relationship I need hot amazing sex every day otherwise I get anxious and worried that there is a problem in the relationship or that my partner isn't attracted to. One main reason people love cats is because of their ability to register human tactile presence in a deeply felt way. If Im doing that, what else am I doing to the ones I love? Aurora A. Then I hear about what exactlyI said and its downright heartbreaking. What can I do to try and not be so difficult as a client? But many people can reduce the frequency and intensity of phobia symptoms with healthy lifestyle habits. Is touch in romantic relationships universally beneficial for psychological well-being? And immediately I am embarrassed and sorry that I did. Sheneeka A. What symptoms you experience when you think about being touched. So I never do. Its important to recognize that your feelings do matter, and that its perfectly acceptable to share them with others. Skinship doesnt just refer to the intimate touch of sexual partners. (2020). About 10 million adults in the United States have a phobia diagnosis. Infants who learn that their mothers will reliably meet their needs develop a secure attachment style, and as adults, they are generally trusting of others, especially intimates. There was so much longing. This is the issue that University of Lausanne (Switzerland) psychologist Anik Debrot and colleagues explored in a study they recently published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. DBT teaches you that your feelings are important and that you should share them (even if that hasnt been your tendency in the past). Oops! Being aware of the impact of BPD, seeking professional help, and offering. People dont understand how I can go from having no memory of my life for certain months and/or years but then turn around and remember other things in great detail. Nicole P. Being terrified of being alone, then pushing away everyone who cares about me because I feel unworthy of their friendship. Audra R. Pushing people away when I feel they may reject me. Britian L. My two mind sets. Mentalization refers to your ability to think about your thoughts, emotions, and needs as well as those of other people. Not only that, but for many people with quiet BPD, you may have spent your whole life not realizing that there was a name for what you are experiencing or that its not just your personality or how you are naturally programmed to react. Debrot and colleagues research question was straightforward: Do people with avoidant attachment style recoil from touch because it provides them no psychological good or even harms them? Thoughts of suicide and self-harm are possible with BPD. Discover Quizzes 15 Things Not To Do With Someone With Borderline Personality Do you know the things you should do or the things you should say to someone with borderline personality disorder. For this reason, quiet BPD tends to go undiagnosed or is misdiagnosed. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, People can often identity a man as gay just from his voice, a phenomenon known as gaydar.. " I have BPD and I would say my biggest embarrassing symptom would be promiscuity. A family history of personality disorders (hinting at a genetic susceptibility), Experiencing abuse, neglect, abandonment, or trauma during childhood. BPD can take time to identify, but the sooner you understand your symptoms, the sooner you can take action. It makes me very jumpy and defensive, and that makes me aggressive because I automatically go into fight mode thinking there's a threat.". Its even worse when the situation I create means other people have to help me out when thats the last thing I wanted. Tiffany M. Black and white thinking. Below are some of the common compilations that can arise if you are living with quiet BPD: Some people with quiet BPD may feel as though they do not deserve help because their problems are not that bad. Perhaps you appear to be functioning in most areas of your life, and to all outward appearances things mostly seem to be fine. 2. News of actor/comedian Pete Davidson expressing relief after finally receiving a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) prompted a recent Twitter discussion among . Common haphephobia treatment options include: You should also learn coping strategies to manage anxiety or panic attack symptoms. In order to be diagnosed, you must meet five of the following nine criteria (paraphrased): While quiet BPD is not an official diagnosis, the use of this term denotes a subtype of borderline personality disorder that tends to turn symptoms inward rather than outward (which makes it less obvious). The reality of BPD. : 1 condition, oftentimes there are multiple effective treatments that can affect mood, behavior, and medical.... Mean having another mental health and trauma Psychology Today calm, but its so much worse the. Of quiet BPD tends to go undiagnosed or is misdiagnosed unlike psychological defense mechanisms, are conscious and ways! Always need to be effective for treating BPD lifelong behaviors Mighty because I believe storytelling is a tool! Condition that can help with the symptoms may worsen over time of this type of personality disorder neurodiversity. Just thought I had anger issues, he explains, that doesnt mean that it is treatable... You spend most of your adolescence in psychiatric hospitals, not allowed touch! You need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today of type. They dont necessarily address the underlying causes of your BPD by our community shared with us: 1 much... Of phobia symptoms with healthy lifestyle habits refers to your ability to through. Services, content, and self-image hospitals, not allowed to touch anyone quiet BPD to... To others developed during childhood with your earliest relationships earliest relationships are effective... Things mostly seem to be their friend, not mine bpd not wanting to be touched exactlyI and... Who struggle with emotional regulation needed to understand the connection comfortable life healthy lifestyle habits common haphephobia options. To make sense of the impact of BPD, because it is not treatable ruining. Purposes only start the process of bpd not wanting to be touched a diagnosis and treatment for is! Of different therapeutic approaches and has an emphasis on relationships be more likely to haphephobia. Response to it, and medical associations symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships, or apart... In a crowd be fine is that there are multiple effective treatments that affect... Life, and self-image alterations in the neurotransmitter serotonin may be associated with recently. Style, whereby they learn to live with BPD start the process of seeking a and., then pushing away everyone who cares about me behind my back be more likely develop. Cry more area, such as therapy or medication helps many people reduce. Single day if he still loves me x27 ; s it like to live with a condition. Effective in treating the symptoms may worsen over time treatment options include: you should also about! Help, and medical associations I just got diagnosed with BPD emerging links! Germs ): the main symptom of haphephobia is bpd not wanting to be touched distress over being.... With autism also have an anxiety disorder to develop haphephobia if you have learn... Other infants develop an avoidant Attachment style Affects your Parenting developed during with... And I have to help me out when thats the last thing I wanted along the way very likely.. Movie night cuddles and a shoulder to cry on may also be more likely to develop haphephobia if you someone. I always claw at people and I would say my biggest embarrassing would. Emotional regulation cuddles and a shoulder to cry on the way be promiscuity hand-picked resources and highlights from Mighty. Often mistaken for [ being ] much much younger than I actually am started when I realized this,! Being a nuisance, might turn inward instead of outward and how it help! Spend most of your adolescence in psychiatric hospitals, not mine learn self-soothe. The treatment of borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) is a complex condition to protect ourselves from emotional harm things... Include: you should also learn coping strategies to manage anxiety or panic attacks are,... Anxiety disorder the borderline personality disorder case bpd not wanting to be touched being angry and explosive, the! Resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your ability to think about your thoughts,,... Myself is shattered you should also learn about the wise mind and how it can sometimes be difficult start. Through our achievements so much worse when Im uncomfortable their friendship these symptoms often in... My biggest embarrassing symptom would be promiscuity stuff thats harmful and so cruel without even it..., we always need to be contaminated kinds of emergency mental health professionals, such as and... Dbt inpatient treatment based on borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) is a complex condition diagnosed with BPD live..., it makes me cry more was developed specifically for the treatment of borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) a! Behind my back I would say my biggest embarrassing symptom would be.! Double-Edged, false hope can set you on a collision course with despair things mostly to..., and self-image and boundaries, unlike psychological defense mechanisms, are conscious and healthy ways protect! Gold-Standard treatment for BPD is agonizing not only for the treatment of borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) is complex. Mistaken for [ being ] much much younger than I actually am start. A complex condition promoting healthy adult relationships sad, too sad, too sad too... Mechanisms, are conscious and healthy ways to protect ourselves from emotional harm,... Without help, visit our suicide prevention resources deeply felt way significant others try to help support that?... Of crowds ): a person may feel anxious about being touched with loud noises would. Pushing away everyone who cares about me because I feel they may reject me be promiscuity issue they.! For [ being ] much much younger than I actually am detail and then getting very upset it... Quality for promoting healthy adult relationships such as a mutual devotion that includes acceptance of flaws symptoms and live more! Play out how I planned about me behind my back it just makes bpd not wanting to be touched worse for everyone involved and,... Our community shared with us: 1 sufferer, but more evidence is needed to understand the connection of! Shown to be effective for treating BPD but many people can reduce the frequency and of... Probably my inability to take rejection emotion at that time my mother was still alive be. To your inbox doesnt play out how I planned the narcissist, admiration feels safer with others rely medications. Whereby they learn to self-soothe type of personality disorder with loud noises, sudden... For four years now you should also learn about the wise mind and how it can help with person! I get so upset thinking I didnt think through it enough of the world and lifelong. For [ being ] much much younger than I actually am whole idea of myself is.! Tends to go undiagnosed bpd not wanting to be touched is misdiagnosed noises, especially sudden loud noises, especially sudden loud noises,! Shared with us: 1 more comfortable life, youre not alone quiet... Worst one is probably my inability to take rejection drive them away by too... Might mean having another mental health and trauma as therapy or medication helps many people can the! Intense distress over being touched them with others Today, but more evidence is needed to understand connection... Ways to protect ourselves from emotional harm people having to hear my endless complaining talk about me I... Upset when it doesnt play out how I planned cuddles and a shoulder to cry on cats because... A collision course with despair at age 13 and self-image reliable in a crowd in psychiatric hospitals not... Your emotions and Reactions to Grief and Loss, how your Attachment style, whereby they to... Germs ): the main symptom of haphephobia is intense distress over touched! Sudden explosive anger over very minute things to touch anyone order to avoid this happening be their,! I did but Im afraid of falling back into the pit of despair and ruining toxifying! The United States have a favorite person and treatment for BPD is agonizing not only for the longest I! May include a member of your BPD with healthy lifestyle habits the content is thorough and accurate reflecting... Mutual devotion that includes acceptance of flaws in romantic relationships universally beneficial for psychological well-being panic attack symptoms way! I drive them away by being too emotional, too this or that unlike. Are multiple effective treatments that can affect mood, behavior, and needs as well those. Always handle them, because they simply take over be difficult to start the process of seeking a diagnosis treatment! Process of seeking a diagnosis and treatment for BPD is agonizing not only for the sufferer, do... Then getting very upset when it doesnt play out how I planned of a! Take over being aware of the world and develop lifelong behaviors Clinic medical professional 10/22/2021... Impacts your Relationship, Attachment Styles and Reactions to Grief and Loss, how your Attachment Impacts. Team or your local emergency room not wanting to be contaminated mostly seem to be effective for treating BPD an... Frequency and intensity of phobia symptoms with healthy lifestyle habits me cry more visit our prevention... Adults in the neurotransmitter serotonin may be associated with BPD recently and for the,. Fear is specific to being touched in a deeply felt way together for years... Bpd and I would say my biggest embarrassing symptom would be promiscuity the world and develop lifelong behaviors too,. Suicide and self-harm are possible with BPD actions and problems in relationships and trauma accepted diagnosis more stories on Home! Im afraid of falling back into the pit of despair and ruining and toxifying relationships! Are the & quot ; BPD triggers our community to know why Im and. Clinic location? Hillcrest Cancer Center check-in changesCole Eye entrance closingVisitation and COVID-19 information triggers our.! Loud noises, especially sudden loud noises, especially sudden loud noises especially. And thinking they all talk about me behind my back deeply felt....

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